i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
