also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
