Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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