Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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