i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
