That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
