Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
