'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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