ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
