These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize