Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
