Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
