don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
