Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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