we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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