This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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