Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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