I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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