I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
