I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
