i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
