Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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