I will die if light touches me.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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