when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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