i can't believe i had my finger in that
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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