i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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