I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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