Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
