I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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