I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
