Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
