We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
