I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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