I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
