my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
