okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
