I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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