why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
