She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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