Don't EVER smell your tampon
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
