New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
