I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
