wakey wakey hands off snakey
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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