just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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