I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
