I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
