She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
