When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
