What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
