my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
