Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
