I wish i was in the wii world.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
