if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize