dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
