Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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