Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
