I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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