apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
