Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
