she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
