Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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