puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
