how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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