So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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