yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish you could order shots online.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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