i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
