I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
