the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize