pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
