My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
