Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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