Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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