Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
