why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
