I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
