Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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