I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
