I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
