It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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