It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
