Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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