Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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