my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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