So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
