She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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