whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
