Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
