I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
