My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He felt like a one man threesome
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
