im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
